16 Weeks

I just wanted to post a quick note so you knew I was still doing okay! We are 16+ weeks now and everything is still looking okay. I have to go in for my 2nd blood draw for the risk screening this week and I'm sort of anxious. That's how we found out there was going to be a problem with Bear. So this part makes me nervous. On top of that sometime between 16 and 19 weeks is when we lost Bear. So I'm going to be a mess these next few weeks.

I saw my doctor last week for a yest infection and she said I could cancel my appointment I had coming up on the 14th. I explained to her that I would prefer to be seen again for a couple of reasons. One, I'm getting really nervous. I need to hear that heart beat. And second, I'm going out of town to Colorado for a conference and want to make sure everything is okay before I get on a plane. She was kind of noncommittal and just told me to do what I wanted. She's really not great with bedside manner, but I'll give her a break on that because she really seems to know what she's doing.

I do have a home doppler, but I never feel super confident with it. I do hear the heartbeat on it, but then second guess myself and tell myself it was my own HB, or the placenta or whatever. Not sure why I do that. I'm also not really sure if I'm feeling movement or not yet. It's kind of hard to tell if it's digestion or movement. Hopefully in a few weeks it will be obvious.

I'm still keeping my fingers crossed that we get a baby in October. I still can't imagine that it will for real happen. I'm just holding my breath waiting for it all to get snatched away from me.