This blog was started as a way to work through the grief of losing my baby March 9, 2011. I found reading stories of other women comforting while I've been going through this and hope that I can help anyone else experiencing the same thing.

Thursday, December 22, 2011

Well that sucks

Looks like I'm having my first anovulatory month since I started charting. What's the deal with that? This is the worst time. I'm emotional about not having my baby for Christmas like I planned, I'm surrounded by pregnant people and I'm not pregnant. On top of all of that I have to deal with cycle where I didn't ovulate? What the hell? Either that or my thermometer is psycho, but the odds of that are pretty low considering it's always been on track before and the batteries aren't low. So why now? Why this cycle? What is going on that I've charted for about a year and now I get no ovulation? I had 2 positive OPKs and then my temps went wacky. Check it out: My Ovulation Chart What do you think?

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Fingers Crossed

Well I'm now officially in the 2WW. It seems I probably O'd yesterday. I had a huge temp drop yesterday and a spike today. I mean my temp was like 96.9 which is very low for me, I tend to run really hot. Then today it was 98.4. So yea, that seems like an O to me. So 1dpo it looks like. Keep your fingers crossed for me for a Christmas BFP and not a Christmas AF. I'm not so sure I can handle more BFNs. Christmas is hard enough. I should be bringing a baby to all of the celebrations, I should be making holiday cards with our baby and I should be getting sweet little gifts for a baby. Instead I'm sad, tired and frustrated with our newest TTC. Seriously 5 months??? What happened to our one month and three month tries? Why is it taking longer?

Monday, December 5, 2011


I hate those stark white pee sticks with only one pink line. I HATE THEM. I felt like we did everything right this month. Lots of BD on the right days and still a BFN. I just want to be pregnant. I'm really starting to get down about this as people that had a loss around the same time I did are now pregnant and almost due. It just seems so unfair. Or people are pregnant with babies that would be about as far along as I would have been with my second loss. It all just sucks. So anyway I'm CD7 now. I saw a new OB/GYN last week. She basically told me to relax. She said she would start testing for infertility if I wanted and do all of the testing you have to do before going to an RE, but I knew it probably wasn't the right thing quite yet. I'm clearly NOT infertile as I've been pregnant twice in the last year. So I guess I'll take her advice and try to relax. It's so much easier said than done. She even suggested I throw away the thermometer and just use OPKs instead. She said she thinks temping can cause more stress than it helps. Have I thrown my thermometer away? Of course not. I'm trying to control an impossible situation and do not want to give up even one piece of control that I might have. Relax? Yeah right.....