Saturday, January 7, 2012
How many of you in the TTC world have heard the words "just relax" before? From your doctor? Your friends? Well-meaning strangers? I'm so tired of those two little words. From an anovulatory cycle to what seems like constant fighting with my husband I'm beyond just relaxing. I'm basically at anxiety level so high it's a code red. Right now my stomach hurts I'm so stressed out. I'm sitting at my desk at work on a Saturday night typing a blog post because my husband and I had it out yet again. This time over money. It's always a series of themes, but this is a recurring one for sure in our household. Why don't the people in our lives see that at this point nothing matters? Not money, not what's going on in the world, not what other people are doing--what matters is getting pregnant. Period. Why put undue stress on me over stuff that doesn't matter. Leave me the F alone and let me focus on getting pregnant. He doesn't worry about that crap like I do. I mean don't get me wrong, I know he thinks about it, but does he worry about ovulation and timing and temperatures? Heck no. I'm the woman. That's my job to worry about. Ugh. Should there be some sort of modern day axiom of not angry blogging? You know like don't drink and text? How about don't get mad and blog? I think I blog best when I'm sad or angry though. This whole blog was born out of sadness and has slowly over time grown into frustration and anger. And you know what? My counselor says it's okay to be frustrated and it's okay to be angry and it's okay to feel shitty when someone has a baby. Because they are having babies left and right. I just want to scream. Or maybe throw something. And then there is my husband conveniently picking a fight with me. So he becomes the object of my anger. When really he isn't the object of my anger, he's just standing there with a convenient reason for me to get pissing mad. You know? Or maybe you don't.