This blog was started as a way to work through the grief of losing my baby March 9, 2011. I found reading stories of other women comforting while I've been going through this and hope that I can help anyone else experiencing the same thing.

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

16 Weeks

I just wanted to post a quick note so you knew I was still doing okay! We are 16+ weeks now and everything is still looking okay. I have to go in for my 2nd blood draw for the risk screening this week and I'm sort of anxious. That's how we found out there was going to be a problem with Bear. So this part makes me nervous. On top of that sometime between 16 and 19 weeks is when we lost Bear. So I'm going to be a mess these next few weeks.

I saw my doctor last week for a yest infection and she said I could cancel my appointment I had coming up on the 14th. I explained to her that I would prefer to be seen again for a couple of reasons. One, I'm getting really nervous. I need to hear that heart beat. And second, I'm going out of town to Colorado for a conference and want to make sure everything is okay before I get on a plane. She was kind of noncommittal and just told me to do what I wanted. She's really not great with bedside manner, but I'll give her a break on that because she really seems to know what she's doing.

I do have a home doppler, but I never feel super confident with it. I do hear the heartbeat on it, but then second guess myself and tell myself it was my own HB, or the placenta or whatever. Not sure why I do that. I'm also not really sure if I'm feeling movement or not yet. It's kind of hard to tell if it's digestion or movement. Hopefully in a few weeks it will be obvious.

I'm still keeping my fingers crossed that we get a baby in October. I still can't imagine that it will for real happen. I'm just holding my breath waiting for it all to get snatched away from me.


  1. Yay for 16 weeks!! Thinking about you as you get these next tests done and get through the next few weeks. I know they'll be stressful

  2. Im so excited to see an update. I kept coming to check on you!! Good luck!