Yay!

I feel like I've had some victories over the last day. I finally ended up talking to the doctor's office again and they were amazing! They listened to me and took me seriously! SO....I'm now on progesterone once a day until 10 weeks. I also had my first Beta HCG draw yesterday and another one scheduled for Saturday. I'm so excited they are willing to do that for me. I would rather know right away that the numbers aren't looking great than wait 2 weeks. I think I can handle that much better. I mean I realize that things can still go wrong, but it's one more thing to give me peace of mind you know? And peace of mind is the ONE thing I need right now. If taking progesterone and getting HCG draws can give me that then why not? Our last doctor would have just been like "We'll just have to see what happens" this doctor is clearly a little more proactive and I'm thrilled. I wasn't sure if I was going to stick with her, but after just one phone call now I'm sure!

So I went to bed at 7:30 last night. Yeah. I'm already that tired. I told J that even if I hadn't taken a test I would have known by now. That is abnormally tired for me when I'm not depressed or having a bad day. I was just so tired. So, I'm excited to make it to Monday which will officially be 4 weeks and then the waiting begins :)! I'm going to try to appreciate and enjoy every moment because no matter what happens this baby deserves that. They deserve to be loved for however many moments they exist. Whether that's 6 weeks in my womb or 100 years on earth they deserve everything I can give them! (at least that's what I'm telling myself!)

Okay no more squinting or pretending you see a line! Check this out! (promise I won't force you to look at my Pee Stick obsession any longer!)

Tweaked Test

A test tweaker on Baby Center made this little picture for me :)! Love it!! If you actually click on it the pink line is visible on the FRER.

10DPO

Okay so here's a picture of the tests I took this morning. It's hard because the lines don't really show up as well in pictures, but I swear they are there in person :)! Now I get to go from stressed about trying to get pregnant to stressed I am pregnant. Awesome. If only I could just relax and take it easy. How about this...I already called the doctor. Yep I'm that girl. I asked about a prenatal prescription, progesterone and a beta HCG. The progesterone isn't totally out of the blue, the new doctor I saw a few months ago mentioned she might put me on it if I were to get pregnant just as a precaution. So yea. I'm the crazy girl that called the doctor at 9DPO.

Third Time's a Charm????

Okay so the quality of a cell phone pic is bad I know. But I totally see a line. 9DPO. I'll post another one tomorrow and hopefully it's darker (or maybe I'll splurge on a digital)!

Another Month...

Well after an anovulatory month that lasted 33 days and then a short cycle that lasted 16 days with O on like day 4 or something. Here I am. Hoping for a normal cycle with a normal O and a month I can at least feel like we got a good try in. We are kind of trying SMEP. The every other day after day 8 and then 3 in a row once you get the +OPK. We'll see how that goes. So my OPK is almoooost positive today. The kind of almost that makes me think it will be positive either later today or tomorrow. He's for hoping stress can be kept down so that I O properly and don't have another anovulatory month. Here's a pic of the OPK!

Just Relax

How many of you in the TTC world have heard the words "just relax" before? From your doctor? Your friends? Well-meaning strangers? I'm so tired of those two little words. From an anovulatory cycle to what seems like constant fighting with my husband I'm beyond just relaxing. I'm basically at anxiety level so high it's a code red. Right now my stomach hurts I'm so stressed out. I'm sitting at my desk at work on a Saturday night typing a blog post because my husband and I had it out yet again. This time over money. It's always a series of themes, but this is a recurring one for sure in our household. Why don't the people in our lives see that at this point nothing matters? Not money, not what's going on in the world, not what other people are doing--what matters is getting pregnant. Period. Why put undue stress on me over stuff that doesn't matter. Leave me the F alone and let me focus on getting pregnant. He doesn't worry about that crap like I do. I mean don't get me wrong, I know he thinks about it, but does he worry about ovulation and timing and temperatures? Heck no. I'm the woman. That's my job to worry about. Ugh. Should there be some sort of modern day axiom of not angry blogging? You know like don't drink and text? How about don't get mad and blog? I think I blog best when I'm sad or angry though. This whole blog was born out of sadness and has slowly over time grown into frustration and anger. And you know what? My counselor says it's okay to be frustrated and it's okay to be angry and it's okay to feel shitty when someone has a baby. Because they are having babies left and right. I just want to scream. Or maybe throw something. And then there is my husband conveniently picking a fight with me. So he becomes the object of my anger. When really he isn't the object of my anger, he's just standing there with a convenient reason for me to get pissing mad. You know? Or maybe you don't.

Well that sucks

Looks like I'm having my first anovulatory month since I started charting. What's the deal with that? This is the worst time. I'm emotional about not having my baby for Christmas like I planned, I'm surrounded by pregnant people and I'm not pregnant. On top of all of that I have to deal with cycle where I didn't ovulate? What the hell? Either that or my thermometer is psycho, but the odds of that are pretty low considering it's always been on track before and the batteries aren't low. So why now? Why this cycle? What is going on that I've charted for about a year and now I get no ovulation? I had 2 positive OPKs and then my temps went wacky. Check it out: My Ovulation Chart What do you think?