This blog was started as a way to work through the grief of losing my baby March 9, 2011. I found reading stories of other women comforting while I've been going through this and hope that I can help anyone else experiencing the same thing.

Monday, April 25, 2011


I find myself being pretty apathetic to many things. I just can't muster up the energy to care. I think it's okay though. In the past I maybe cared just a bit too much. I tended to be kind of uptight and high strung. Now I'm a bit more laid back. I doubt this is a full personality change. More of a situational issue. But it is nice to care less. For example, I'm taking two Master's level courses. In the past my grades were of utmost importance. I had to turn everything in early, I worked really hard on projects, and cared a lot about how I was doing. Now, I honestly don't care too much. I'm getting the work done and meeting requirements, but I sure don't see it as a priority. It's great not being stressed out about it! I actually like it!

I see it in other areas also. I don't return phone calls (I know it's not nice, but sometimes I just don't feel like talking). My housework is falling waaaaay behind. I haven't made that appointment I said I would make to get my car looked at. I haven't made the vet appointment I said I would make. Apathy is my friend. Crazy huh?

It's been 7 weeks. I would have been 26 weeks with only 14 to go. My second period *should* start sometime next week. I ordered some cheapie ovulation predictor tests off of Amazon as well as a BBT thermometer. I plan to hardcore chart and plan this next month. If I don't get pregnant right away I want to be ready with charts and temps to see why not or to plan better for future months. I didn't chart or temp at all last time. I just kind of tracked my period on an app on my ipod and got lucky. I'm no longer willing to get lucky--especially since it ended up not being so lucky. My only worry is that what if I try so hard and the ONE month we get pregnant is another bad egg month????? What if??? UGH. Maybe the only thing I'm not apathatic about right now.

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