Changes

It's so interesting to me that my body is pretty much back to normal. I have no evidence of ever being pregnant physically. My belly is smaller, my breasts are back to normal and I didn't end up with stretch marks or anything like that.

I have realized there are a few subtle changes though. First of all, I just realized today that I now have ovulation spotting. I didn't even realize this was possible. It happened last month after the D & E and also this month. Last month I thought it was just more bleeding due to the procedure. The bleeding started about 2 weeks after the procedure, and they had said to expect about 2-4 weeks of bleeding potentially. So when I only bled for a few days and then started back up again two weeks later I didn't think too much of it. Now though, I have had a regular period. It lasted 4 days. Now 5 days after that regular period I'm spotting again. I did a bit of research and found out that ovulation bleeding is uncommon, but it does happen. That would be pretty on track for me. I tend to have really short cycles so right now is about the right time. I also noticed EWCM (which I also noticed last month), which for anyone trying to conceive, is another signal of ovulation. So together these two things lead me to believe that I am ovulating and my cycle is pretty much back to normal. Well not totally normal, since I never had ovulation bleeding before. But seriously? An actual physical signal to show I'm ovulating? I'll take it! It might make getting pregnant again that much easier.

Another weird change is that my skin is a bit better. I've never had good skin. I break out and have acne. Seriously, I'm 35 and I still get zits like I'm 15. Very frustrating. But, since losing the pregnancy my skin has been pretty okay. Certainly not perfect, but no large breakouts. I'm going to knock on wood now, especially since I'm pretty sure I'm ovulating which is right about the time I would normally have a breakout...a few weeks before my period. I have no idea why this would be the case. Something to do with the hormones I guess?

Other than that, I'm back to normal. Right after losing Bear, I lost about 15 pounds because I wasn't eating. Then I ended up on the opposite end of the spectrum and binged a bit out of grief and depression I guess. So I gained about 10 of those pounds back. Awesome. So now I'm on a diet. I would like to be a bit thinner before getting pregnant again so I don't worry about my weight and putting on pounds. I might even delay the trying for a month so I can focus on getting healthy. We'll see.....