This blog was started as a way to work through the grief of losing my baby March 9, 2011. I found reading stories of other women comforting while I've been going through this and hope that I can help anyone else experiencing the same thing.

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Betrayed

I feel betrayed by my own body. Why did my body give me a baby with Down Syndrome. Why did my eggs not function properly. Not only that, but if I was chosen somehow to have this baby that was special why was he taken away from me? It's just not fair. It's like I have no control. It's hard to not have control. I enjoy control. I control all aspects of my life. I'm all about having control. I don't like it when others are in charge. I like to be in control. So this feels like a giant betrayal, and it's myself. And there is nothing I can do about it. I miss my baby so much.
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1 comment:

  1. Kara MasiApril 5, 2011 at 1:59 PM

    I've been away and haven't been on the computer and you've been in my thoughts recently.

    Down Syndrome...Trisomy 21... ugh. You know, when I first found out that Mena had cystic hygroma I thought, "I'll take a down syndrome baby. I'll take a turner syndrome baby...just anything that isn't fatal...." for both of us, the end results were fatal.

    I too have thought over and over why my eggs failed me. I wasn't ovulating and jumped on clomid I guess I was spitting out bad eggs....that's the only conclusion I can come too.

    I'm sorry that life has handed this card to you. It sucks and it's the one thing that we can't control. Telling you that your son is looking down at you and praying for you won't make it better. But, just know that he is.

    I'm so sorry that you're hurting :-(

    Hugs to you,
    Kara

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