This blog was started as a way to work through the grief of losing my baby March 9, 2011. I found reading stories of other women comforting while I've been going through this and hope that I can help anyone else experiencing the same thing.

Monday, May 16, 2011


I seem to be coming out of my depression a bit. I'm not as down and apathetic as I had been. I do still seem to be lacking motivation though. My house isn't as clean as I would like, my work isn't getting done as well as I would like and I haven't even bothered to try to lose weight like I had planned.

I thought the warmer weather and sun would help me get motivated and exercise, but honestly it's still rainy and chilly here. It's just miserable. I think there were a few good days, but on average it's still crappy outside. I'm not sure what the motivation thing is. I hope it comes back. I really need my motivation back LOL.

I did agree to teach a Zumba class for my local Curves next week. Maybe that will help. I taught at the Curves a few months ago and I had so much fun with them. I was pregnant with Bear at the time and they sent me flowers when I lost him. The owner is a really sweet lady and has been checking in on me every couple of weeks. She's been asking me to come back for weeks too! I think I'm finally ready. I have to go back to it at some point. I hope starting that class will give me some of my motivation back!

I do have motivation for the TTC thing though. I'm taking my temp, doing a chart and taking OPK test things. I'm sure I'm trying to control something that can't be controlled. It's hard for me to just admit it will either happen or it won't. And then once it happens we will either have a healthy baby or we won't. There is absolutely nothing I can do to change the outcome. I'm a control freak so that's really hard for me!


  1. I'm glad you're not feeling as down now. I feel like I'll start to get better then I'll just have some really bad days. I guess grief isn't a linear process, though.

    The class sounds fun! Hope you have a great time teaching it!

    Good luck this cycle! I'm KMFX for you. It would be great if we could both get BFPs and be in the same birth group! :)

  2. Hi. I just found you from the Feb 2012 board on Baby Center. I lost a baby girl at 16w due to a lymph vessel problem in February 2011. I can so relate to what you've been writing about. I am so sorry for your loss.

    I am glad you are starting to feel better - it took a long time for me, and I am really feeling like I am getting there, too.

    Best wishes to you.

  3. Lauren-I'm hoping we both get our BFPs too! That would be awesome.

    Katie-I am so so sorry for your loss. I hope that every day gives you more hope. Best wishes to you too!