Sad

I'm so incredibly sad. I really try not to be, but sometimes I can't help it. I don't know why today is hard for me other than I suspect my period is coming. Which makes me even sadder. Last month around this time I was also incredibly depressed. I suspect its wacky hormones.

I asked J tonight if he felt like I needed to go on antidepressents (after he saw me sob uncontrollably for an hour). He said no.  He gently reminded me that its okay to grieve and that it hasn't been that long. He even shared with me that he had been thinking of Bear a lot today too. He took me out for a quick walk with the dog and a Frosty to try to cheer me up. It was very sweet.

I am sort of obsessed with the idea of getting pregnant again. I'm on these Baby Center bulletin boards for people trying to get pregnant. Well in the last two days there have been tons of reports of positive pregnancy tests. Probably not the healthiest place for me to ne spending so much time. Also I've been charting my cycle and now I obsess over every little thing and check my chart 10 times a day even though nothing changes on it. I need to back up a bit and learn how to just be and let this go. I just don't know how though.

I'm so appreciative that J allows me my grief and reminds me its okay.